But what about “a time to be single”...?
Whether you’re single and have never been married, divorced or widowed, if you are single right now, you are in a certain season, or time in your life. According to Ecclesiastes 3:1, this season of singleness has a purpose (….”a time to every purpose…”). In order to maximize your time in a certain season, it is imperative that you under the purpose of the season. I want to discuss what I believe your season of singleness is about and also what I believe it should not be about.
What It’s NOT
Church culture and ideology has convinced single people, especially single women, that the purpose of your time or season of singleness is to spend all of your time praying and waiting on a husband. A popular cliché among single women in the church today is, “I’m waiting on my Boaz”. However, many women in the church have spent all of their time of singleness waiting on “Boaz” and when he finally came, they discovered that they really got “BoBo” or “Bozo” (a clown).
For single men, especially single men who are preachers, pastors, etc., church culture, influenced by worldly ideologies has convinced men that something is wrong with you if you’re not married or engaged, especially by 30. In the minds of many carnal church people, 30 is the cut off point for single men. By that time, they’ve concluded that either you’re gay or that you’re a whoremonger who isn’t willing to settle down with just one woman.
I have seen many single men in the church and colleagues in ministry rush into a marriage because of the pressure that has been placed upon them. Most of these men who are rushed into marriage either aren’t ready mentally, emotionally and financially or they end up picking the wrong mate altogether. I always say that I’d rather be SINGLE than SORRY! The risk of picking the wrong one is more painful than being single in my opinion.
There certainly has to be more purpose to being a single Christian than just waiting around to get married! There has to be something better that we can be doing with our time. While I do believe that a season of singleness is the perfect time to prepare yourself for the future role of a husband or wife, certainly that is not the only purpose of your singleness!
What It Is
So what is the purpose for this season? What do we do in the meantime?
I believe one of those purposes is found in 1 Corinthians 7:32: “He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord.” (KJV).
This scripture doesn’t mean that single Christians don’t have busy lives filled with responsibilities. What it is simply saying is that a single person has more time to care for the things of God and also how they may please the Lord. You have more time to pray, study, seek God, and so on. You are more free to pursue the purpose of God for your life and more time to spend with God. It goes on to say that a man or a woman who is married must now be concerned about worldly things, including how they can please their spouse.
The Bible talks about two becoming one. Marriage is the ultimate merger. In 1 Corinthians 7:4, it says that the husband doesn’t belong to himself, neither does the wife belong to herself. They belong and are submitted to each other. So there’s more to consider when you are connected to another person. You are not as free to “do your own thing”. You now have to be concerned about the other individual with whom you are connected for life.
Paul goes in chapter 7 to call marriage a distraction. In one scripture, he said that he wishes everyone was like him; single and celibate. However, Paul realized that everyone wasn’t going to be like him (thank God) and he said it is better to marry than to burn, implying sexual desire. So he did not forbid marriage, however he did imply that those who are single are in a better position in the Kingdom because they are more available to GOD.
Purpose
You may desire to get married one day and you might be waiting on a spouse. But why not spend this time, this season of your life pursuing God with your whole heart? This is the perfect time in your life to focus your full, undivided attention on God and His purpose for your life. This is the time to be on fire for God and to be close to God because once you get married, you not only belong to someone else, but you have other responsibilities that will sometimes take you away from the things of God.
So what is the purpose for a time or season of singleness? The purpose is to pursue God and His purpose, desires, plans and destiny for your life. This is the time to live your life with purpose and meaning. This is the time to discover who you are. This is the time to be happy and comfortable with yourself. If you can’t be happy alone, don’t think that a relationship can make you happy. It will only complicate your life because you will have no identity and you will look for a relationship to define who you are. But if you know who you are and who your God is, when it’s time for your to transition into marriage, you’ll be a whole person. Two can only become one when two whole people come to the marriage!
This is the perfect time to discover who you and all of the wonderful things that God has for you. You don’t have to wait until marriage, you can live your life with purpose now. I believe that once you begin seeking God and His purpose for your life, you will eventually attract someone who has been doing the same!
I remember after a hard breakup about two years ago, my spiritual father spoke some words of wisdom and encouragement to me. He told me that God had someone for me, but I would have a lonely walk because of the calling on my life and where God was taking me in ministry. He said that God needed to make sure that he had my heart and attention completely before He sent someone into my life because of the added responsibilities that I would have to take on.
What he was basically saying is that I will be distracted once a wife and kids came into the picture of my life. Though I didn’t want to hear that, especially the part about a “lonely walk”, it brought a sense of purpose and meaning to my time of singleness. This is the time for me to passionately pursue God and walk strong in my purpose.
Content….For Now
So in this season, enjoy your freedom! Don’t be so consumed with your singleness and the “idea” of getting married, that you don’t live your life. It is fine and perfectly normal to desire a spouse. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that it is wrong for you to desire marriage (especially if they’re married with thighs in their bed every night!).
God gave us the desire for intimacy. In the beginning, He said that it was not good that the man be alone. He told us to “be fruitful and multiply”, then gave us the sexual desire to make it happen. If your desire is to be married, I believe that God will give you the desires of your heart. But in the meantime, don’t be thirsty, lonely or depressed, especially around holidays such as today, St. Valentine’s Day.
Try not to sing the blues today. If you’re a woman, keep waiting, open your heart to potential candidates and live your life to the fullest. If you’re a man, keep praying, keep your eyes open, find a woman and pursue your “good thing”. But don’t be so thirsty that you’re willing to settle for anybody just to have somebody! You have more purpose and value than that.
Bring all that you can out of your singleness. Be content in whatever state you’re in. Learn how to be happy where you are until your season changes. Content doesn’t necessarily mean satisfied, it means that you’re okay for now. If you can trust God and be content, I believe that He will bless you according to your faithfulness. When you focus on God and your purpose, everything else will fall in line. In Matthew 6:33 we are told to seek the Kingdom of God FIRST and His righteousness and everything else will be taken care of.
I’ll leave you with this quote by Dr. Debora Hooper……..
“Do so much ministry….Get so many degrees….Travel so many places….Save so much money….Buy so many clothes….Own so much property, that each night you go to bed so tired but thanking GOD for your [season of] singleness!”
Do something with your single life in the meantime. LIVE! When you do get married, what are you going to bring to the table?? #dropsmic
