"Stuck"

As a psychotherapist, pastoral counselor and a minister, it is amazing to me how many people I encounter weekly who are still living in their past. They are in their present, they want a better future; but they are still holding on to their past and cannot let it go. There are many people walking around physically free, but mentally bound. I call it being “stuck”.

“Remember Lot’s wife.” –Luke 17:32

There is a reason that Jesus admonished us in the New Testament to “Remember Lot’s wife.” Lot’s wife had a better and brighter future ahead of her. God even sent her and her family angelic assistance to get free from the past. Lot’s wife was leaving Sodom, but her mind was still there. She still had memories. What happened to her? She got STUCK! The Bible declares that she turned into a pillar of salt. Whenever you are trying to move forward, your mind must move forward as well. If your mind doesn’t move forward, you will be stuck.

“For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.” –Proverbs 23:7

The funny thing about your mind is that wherever your mind is, that’s where you are. Think about this. If you are driving and your mind is not on the road in front of you, you will soon begin to stray off the path that you are on and ultimately wreck. In the same way, our life follows our thoughts. If you are bound in any area of your life, check your mindset. We are what we think and we are where we think.

Getting Free: Forgiving Others

Letting go and resolving the past involves two important elements. Those elements are forgiving others and forgiving yourself. We’ve all heard this at least one time before: “Forgiving is not something you do for the other person, it’s something you do for yourself.”  It’s a cliché, but it’s a true one.

Think about all the people you’ve held on to in your heart and mind and have not forgiven. They probably haven’t thought a second thought about you in months, even years. They’ve moved on and are probably enjoying their lives while you’re still holding on to what they did and what they said. Many of us are holding on to people who have moved on and are no longer apart of our lives. Holding on to fresh grudges and relentless unforgiveness gives you the feeling that you are getting revenge or that you are holding someone captive in prison when in actuality, you are the one who’s bound and the other person free!

“Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before.” –Philipians 3:13 (KJV)

You hear it all the time, and you may have even said it yourself a few times: “I can forgive, but I will never forget.” And that’s fine. We are human. We have memories. However, the important thing is to not dwell on those memories. If you continue to rehearse what happened, you will always be dealing with the emotions of what happened. It’s time to “get over it”.

“How do I know if I’m not over something?”, you may ask. If you talk about it and still get emotional about it, then you’re not over it. Forgiveness is about releasing yourself of all of the emotions attached to a past event. Emotions such as fear, rage, anger, guilt, doubt and so on are all attached to negative events in our past.

If you think about an event or a person and you relive all of the emotions, it’s still fresh and you’re not over it. Forgiving is about letting go. When you forgive others, you release yourself from the bondage of your past. You also free your heart and your mind to live in the now and be happy!

You can’t live in those emotions anymore and expect to move forward. The apostle Paul chose to forget things that were behind him [his past] and to reach for what was in front of him [his future]. You can’t get to your future holding on to your past. You have to make a decision. Either you’re going to hold to the past or you’re going to press toward your future. It’s impossible to do both at the same time!

“But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” –Matthew 6:15 (NIV)

Let me also add that forgiveness is not about whether you feel like a person deserves to be forgiven. That’s not a call for you to make. Forgiving others is not only a requirement for living a happy and fulfilled life, it is also a mandate from God. He said if we don’t forgive others, He won’t forgive us. We have all been wronged at some point in our lives, but think about the people you have wronged as well. Selah.

“Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.” –Luke 23:34a (KJV)

Jesus did no wrong, but He was still able to forgive. Why? Because He understood the power of forgiveness. Jesus could not be free to walk in His future [savior of the world] if he did not quickly cross the hurdle of forgiveness. He gives us the reasoning behind forgiving others by simply stating, “For they know not what they do”.

Forgiving Yourself

This is the final piece of the puzzle. You cannot forgive others if you cannot first forgive yourself. It was not your fault! And maybe it was your fault; but what can you do about it now? The past is the past and if you continue to live in the past, that’s where your life will remain. You can’t change the past. All you have is right now and your future.

Stop holding yourself hostage. We all have regrets. We all have our “I should have”, “I could have” and “If I had it do all over again”. Today is a day to release yourself from all of those negative emotions. While you’re forgiving others, be sure to forgive yourself as well.  Refuse to live another day holding on to the guilt of your past.

How long will you beat yourself up over what happened? We all deal with life’s problems. We must come to a place where we understand that there are some things that are beyond our control. You cannot let those things that you could not control make you feel guilty or fearful. Don’t be so hard on yourself!

If you think in the past, you will always remain in the past. You don’t have time to get stuck! What are you holding on to that’s stopping your life from moving ahead? Think about it; Talk it out, cry it out and then decide that you will no longer be “stuck”.

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Order your copy of "Dream Again: The Journey Toward Destiny" by Joshua P. Smith in paperback or Kindle format here: http://www.amazon.com/Dream-Again-Journey-Toward-Destiny/dp/1475259328